I get tired of counting the days...

        It's laziness really. I am still fasting from watching Conan, I feel like that habit has been completely broken already. If I was healthier I would like to go on an actual fast from food (since that habits a bit harder to break). I have really been questioning my integrity lately, both in the big and little details of life. A lot of nights I stay awake thinking there must be something more that I could do to grow closer to God. A lot of times I turn on my laptop and open up Google Chrome and just stare at the login page to Facebook. I always think "this is the internet right, there must be somewhere i could go or something that I could do that would just make a difference". It's not like I'm looking to change the would or anything (although that sounds pretty cool) I just wanna change myself. Some days I feel like I've gotten as close to God as possible without actually touching him, like standing on the brim of a volcano. It's all right there in front of my face and I can even feel it from where I'm standing but I'm just not in it.
      Today I started to read Crazy Love, well technically I only read the preface but that was enough to inspire me to sit down and write. It seems like it should be a good book and I know a lot of people who recommend it. I have high expectations for this book and I hope that it will help me to grow but I always find that I have to be careful around Christian book, not that there has ever been anything wrong with the ones that I've read, but just that sometimes when they're really good I start to let them interfere with my quiet time. As far as quiet time goes I have yet to decide on a new chapter to read so I decided to pick up one of the couple of devotional books I have in my room. I actually decided to really pray about which book I should start to read because, since I really do feel that my quiet time has a big impact on my day, I really think that choosing what to read is important.
     I think it's time for a change in my life (that has absolutely nothing to do with new years). The essence of this change is God himself. So many times before I have tried to give God bigger and bigger parts of my life. Now I really feel like i just want to give him the whole thing and see what he does with it. If you read this pray for me because I need it.